Disenchanted

When I was four, I moved to Kentucky. I didn’t really know how to speak English then so when I was playing with my neighbors, I had to run up to my house and ask my mom how to say a word in English every time I was stuck.

Gradually, the frequency of those consultations lessened, and in my final year of kindergarten, I was considered one of the best readers in my class. I prided myself in being able to read The Cat in the Hat without any help from adults when most of my classmates still could not.

I joined Girl Scouts, sang songs from High School Musical at the playground, watched a movie (in IMAX!) with my second grade crush; I felt like I belonged.

Suddenly, I had to move again, this time back to Japan. So I left the US with tears in my eyes, taking all of my cherished memories with me.

Gates Tower, located on the North Campus of Grinnell College

On August of 2016, I set foot in Grinnell for the first time. I was back in the US. I remember how fun it was growing up in Kentucky and envisioned rural Iowa to be the same. I was ecstatic.

My first few days of Grinnell were marked by IPOP (International Pre-Orientation Program) and I made friends who come from every corner of the world. It was nice to bond over the shared experience of going to a college so far from home and I had a great time.

A few days after IPOP was NSO (New Student Orientation). Domestic students started flocking to Grinnell to join us in the beginning a new school year. I got ready to bring out the cool and quirky introductions that I had rehearsed in my head as I eagerly awaited the rest of my classmates to arrive.

A few weeks later, I felt disheartened. I sensed a barrier between international and domestic students. I felt race affecting my interactions with people. Whenever I walked into the dining hall, I saw clusters of similar-looking people eating together: the international students table, the artsy white people table, the soccer team table, the Asian-American table, the black table… The list goes on. Grinnell, a school with inclusivity as its core value, was ironically organized into cliques.

It’s not even like I’ve experienced blatant discrimination (although there are extremely rare cases where that has happened to other people). I just feel like I have to constantly overcompensate to shake off the negative stereotypes that come with being Asian. When I lived in Kentucky, I had never felt like my East Asian appearance affected my life. Or perhaps, I was too young and naive to pick up the subtle racial undertones that played out before my eyes.

Don’t take this the wrong way though. I think Grinnell is a fantastic school and am very very happy to be here. I honestly think that coming to study in the US was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life and I’m extremely grateful to everyone who has helped me through college applications.

It’s just that being an international student in an American college is not all rainbows and glitter and sunshine like promotional pamphlets make it out to be. I feel like being an international student comes with labels, expectations, and stereotypes that domestic students don’t have to worry about.

There are many factors that intertwine to create this unintentional gap between international and domestic students. But I think right now, I’m underqualified to give answers to this issue. Maybe I’ll revisit the topic again some day when I am wiser.

Until then,

okamo